she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize