I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
