the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
