sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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