Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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