mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
