I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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