There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize