I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
