I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
