A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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