And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Randomize
