Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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