well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize