I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
