He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
