theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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