needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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