I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
handjob tips. give me some.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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