just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
