She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
