haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize