Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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