And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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