i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
