when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do vagina's smell?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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