i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
