sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
