if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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