Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
