Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
