i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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