if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize