you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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