3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
