Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
