If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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