PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
