Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
