He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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