Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
