I just saw a hot homeless man
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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