We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
