If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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