Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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