Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
