i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
