i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
