were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
