Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
