Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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