I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she peed on how many people?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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