what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
