She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
