hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So squirting runs in the family.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
