My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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