when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
