Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize