Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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