he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
