I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
