dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
