I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
