Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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