His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The struggles of a small town man whore
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
