i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
