Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
