i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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